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The Trismic Man is a fictitious novella invented by John Z. Walthall. Mr. Walthall periodically makes up quotes and attributes them to this work. The novella is purportedly written by the equally imaginary German-born novelist Arthur Gregory Jones.

Mr. Walthall cannot rule out the possibility of writing a novella in the future by this name, however, it is likely to contain none of the quotes attributed to it, as they are so far removed from any credible use, many are near postilion sentences..

If you are finding this you likely are smarter than most because instead of swallowing the Trismic Man conceit hook-line-and-sinker you have sensed that some-thing's amiss (Mr. Walthall commonly uses Trismic Man as an excuse to indulge in purple prose or other literary extravagance) and are attempting to authenticate the claim. Good for you you, 'bet you never have any luck with women, though.